Missing Out

A couple months ago, my parents decided they were going on an Alaskan vacation.  My older brother has been living there in the summer these last couple years, leading outdoor adventures like hiking, climbing, and zip lining.  So, Mom and Dad decided to plan a trip to visit him and see Alaska for the first time.  They were going to meet my other two little brothers there as well.  An Alaskan trip, with free [parental paid] lodging, and a chance to hang out with ALL my brothers who I miss so much.  Sounds awesome!  I was going to try to make this work because it really was a "once in a lifetime" opportunity.

There were just a couple things holding me back that I had to work out.  Like....the kids. Alaska is not exactly an ideal place to take a toddler and an infant, so they couldn't come.  I'd have to find some family to watch them throughout the week.  I have my whole life with the kids - one week away from me isn't going to hurt them.  And...nursing.  I was still nursing Baby A, so I'd have to make sure to wean her by then because I was NOT pumping all through the trip. I wanted to go 12 months breastfeeding her, but 10 months is still pretty good, right?  As I worked out all these details and planned which houses the kids would hop around to each day I'd be gone, I started feeling more and more guilty and selfish.  The thought of having to pass them around from house to house so I could go on vacation started making me feel sick.  And, after much deliberation over this and the thought of spending a big chunk of our family's money for my plane ticket, I decided that I probably shouldn't go :(

The trip was last week.  And, no, I didn't go.  Needless to say, I felt like I was missing out.  I kept in touch with them the whole time they were there and listened listfully to all the stories of the beauty they saw, the adventures they had, and wildlife they experienced.  They had an AWESOME trip.  We welcomed my parents home last night and had a picture and souvenir-filled night.  It was good to have them back.  Baby A clapped her hands happily as we sat and ate dinner with them.  My dad looked at her, surprised, and asked "When did she start clapping?"

I thought about it for a second, "Oh yea. She just started clapping a couple days ago."  Throughout the rest of the night, my parents kept going on and on about how much she has changed in the last week - how well she can pick up food and put it in her mouth now, how she can hold herself up to standing with only one hand, how she understands the word "no" now, and how she can stand for a couple of seconds without holding on to anything.  Wow, a lot has happened with her this last week!

I keep thinking to myself - what if I would have gone on this trip? I think about baby A's first precious clap.  She was laying on her changing table, looking up at the picture on her wall, smiling her big 2-tooth smile, and slowly brought her hands together a couple times.  She was so proud of herself for learning how to clap and so happy to see my excitement over this accomplishment.  We laughed and clapped together for about 2 minutes.  And although I didn't realize it at the time - that moment right there was one of the most precious moments of my life.  And to think, I could have missed out on it had I not been there.