How I'm Doing

A lot of my posts have been about new products and stuff about the kids, and I think it's time for a "me" post.  Time to get a little up close and personal with how I'm doing as I play all my roles as mom, business owner, homemaker, and wife.

To be honest, the last few weeks I had been feeling kind of stuck in a rut.  My kids were annoying me all the time with their fussing and fighting with each other.  I never had enough time to do everything I wanted to get done.  I stopped cooking and had no desire to cook (for those of you who don't know me, I LOVE to cook - so this is weird).  And I was basically crabby all the time.  I got to a point where I just wanted to shut everything else out and work on my business stuff - no interruptions.  My days revolved around my free time (during kids nap time and after they went to bed at night).  I stayed up soo late some  nights because I didn't want MY time to end.  Now, I wasn't a complete deadbeat around my house or anything - I did my "daily tasks" - taking care of the kids, making sure we had something to eat for dinner, etc, but deep inside I was longing to just be alone and work on my business stuff because I had this huge checklist of things I want to accomplish in my mind and felt like I couldn't get anything done.  Plus I just really love working on Amylou stuff.

I feel weird even calling it "working".  It's a creative outlet for me.  It's so fun for me to sit and create new designs and put new techniques to work. I love creating something beautiful with my own two hands - something tangible - that I can see and touch, and share with other people.  It doesn't take me years to see the results.  In just a few minutes or hours I can see a final result of my efforts.  Also, if I mess up on something, I can just start over as much as I want until it's perfect.  I feel like everything else in my life is so much more complicated than that.  You can't just erase a lost temper and mean words from your child's mind.

I love "working" so much, that I've even contemplated getting someone to watch the kids for me a couple days a week, so I can have some full days dedicated to work.  I think of the money I could make - how we could finally get our lovely electric blue kitchen countertop replaced.  And I think of all that "me" time. But then at the end of one of these days, I'll be laying there with Little B, in his bed, wondering how he got so big all of a sudden.  I remember laying with him in my bed only 3 years ago, when he was just a baby.  Soooo tiny, all curled up next to me.  Now he's like 3 feet long!  And I remember that it was my dream all my life to stay home and be a full time mom to my kids because I wanted to be like MY mom.  And I think about what an important role she plays in my life and that I play in their lives and how blessed I am to be able to stay home with them.  We've had to make a few sacrifices, but we're so fortunate that I don't have to work to put food on our table.

So the way I see it is there will always be time to pursue this business dream of mine more aggressively in the future, but my kids are only at this stage of life ONCE.   It may sound like I have this all thought out perfectly, but I actually have to constantly remind myself of this as I get caught up in doing more and more for my business.  It's been an emotional roller coaster.  Things for work will gradually build and build.  I'll get caught up in coming up with new designs, taking and editing pictures, and getting everything posted on the website and Facebook.  When these times peak, I'll start to notice that I have movies on way too often, home cooked meals aren't happening, and I just don't feel good about myself.  This is when I have to take a step back and write a blog post like this to sort out my thoughts and intentions and get back on track.  I'm proud to say that over the last week, there hasn't been much activity on amyloubaby.com, Facebook and here on my blog, but I've been cooking awesome meals every night and actually PLAYING with my kids - like chasing them around the house and setting up a "choo choo train" using our kitchen chairs, and not just reading the words on the pages of books, but talking about each page and what we see in the pictures.  And even though I'm not getting anything on my checklist done, I feel at peace and  am really having fun being a Mommy :)